The empty spot at the table

For 26 years of my life, holidays were full of nothing but happiness and family. Everyone was present who could drive the distance and it was the complete norm to have the whole gang there. Except for one Christmas when my Dad was deployed, holidays seemed pleasant but uneventful. Obviously, getting married added some dimension to holidays but we still seemed to work things out pretty well. I am also completely blessed to still have all my grandparents still with us. Everyone was always there. At this point, you may be picturing some Lifetime holiday movie depicting my life but as you know, life can change at any moment. I had no idea how blessed I was.

A few years ago, I experienced a holiday season where something was clearly...missing. Someone that should be there, just wasn't. It was complicated, as most situations are but it was my first Christmas with sadness. No matter the reason, we were a partial family and it interrupted my 26 years of happy and uneventful holidays. I wasn't really sure what to do. I was torn between trying to enjoy our time together but not forgetting that we were incomplete.

When part of your family isn't there, it is hard to focus on anything else. There is always an elephant in the room...everyone knows it but doesn't want to talk about it. I tried to keep the mood light but the pain was in all of our eyes. It broke my heart. I had never experienced a holiday with anything less than happiness. It truly opened my eyes to how many people spend their holiday season like this every year. It isn't all hot chocolate, presents and laughter for everyone and for a period of time it wasn't for me.
For that time, everything was just a little...different.

Any laughter at all, was only at 70% because our hearts were heavy.
No one would say "it's so nice to have all of us here" and there clearly was an empty spot at the table. It was physical proof that everything wasn't the way it had always been.

Maybe you can relate to this because you have family members who are at odds with each other or the distance is too far or your loved one is in heaven or you've been deeply hurt by someone you love. No matter the situation, you know that it just isn't the same.

I wish I had magic words, to heal the space in your heart that is hurting. I wish I could tell you to call your parent, sibling, friend or child and invite them to come home for Christmas but I know it isn't always that easy. I don't have all the answers.

What I do have...is hope that God will answer prayers.

He will heal breaking hearts. 
He will fix broken relationships. 
He will provide forgiveness, grace and above all...peace. 
He can make miracles happen...I have seen this myself. 
The impossible is not impossible for Him.

When you see your empty spot at the table...say a prayer and know that God sees that empty spot at the table too. He can feel your sadness and He knows what it is like to have someone missing too.

Remember He sent his only son to this earth, as a little baby, to die just for us.

Even though my family is together again, only by the absolute miracle of God's grace...I will never forget our holidays with an empty spot at the table. Those memories make me pray every holiday season for those families who are not complete.

I pray that God heals your hearts and your family. May you feel the extravagant love of Jesus in your heart this Christmas. 

This song, "Sometimes Christmas Makes Me Cry"by Mandisa and Matthew West represents exactly what I feel. 

Why Church Makes Me Cry

I always wondered why people cried in church. The churches I have attended had pretty low key styles of worship, so if someone was emotional, I was glued to them with intense curiosity. It may have been the communication student in me but there was such a mystery and sadness around that person. The more I attended church the more I saw these people. Some were crying quietly and some were unconsolable.

The questions begin to fly...I wonder what they did? I wander what happened? Your first thought goes to sin. You say to yourself, "Wow, they must have done something really bad that they are sorry for." This is a huge misconception. Yes, people will cry for forgiveness but I personally don't think that is the majority.

Crying in church is something I had only experienced when I was in college. For the longest time I thought it was because I was living my life in sin and I was in a place that did not accept that so here come the tears. Looking back, I know that was not the reason I cried. I felt exposed in church. Not in a condemning way but in a way where I felt Jesus saying, "I see you...all of you...and I still love you the same."

He see you...all of you and it doesn't matter what you have done or will do because he loves you that much. 

Another reason people cry in church is something I compare to "a call from home." When I was in college dealing with finals week and things I thought were important at that time, I would call my mom with the plan to maturely talk about it.   She would cheerfully answer the phone with, "Hello Sweetie" which would be answered with instance sobbing. Her voice was all it took to make this 22 year old girl let down every wall she had built for emotional stability. Just her voice. This still happens today but I am 29 and plan ahead for a tear filled conversation.

What if being in church is like a "call from home?" Sitting in the pews, you hear in your heart, "Hey sweetie" and you let it all out. I have had these tears in church. I feel that I am in the lap of my heavenly father and I have no words for him just tears of sadness, anxiety, fear and helplessness.

He just holds you while you cry because he loves me that much. 

There is one last reason that I wanted to mention because I think it is the hardest one to express. No one can look at someone and say, "They are crying because they are praising God in the midst of heartache." Tears are rarely seen as a sign of praise. Praising God in the the good times is an easy one but praising him when you are struggling is different.  Because it is so hard to praise when you are in the lowest of the valleys.

These tears are tears of surrender. I believe that people avoid church for the sake of avoiding these tears. These tears are the ones you hold inside your body till you have physically lost all strength to keep them inside and they come out unannounced and uncontrollable. God asks us to give him our burdens and I don't know why we fight this so much. Let it go to God.

He asks you to give him, what the unbearably heavy for you to carry alone because he loves you that much.

Revelation 21:4 
"And God shall wipe away all the tears from their eyes: and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: For the former things are passed away."

Next time you see someone crying in church. Pray for them because it is likely they are walking a difficult journey. If you are the one crying, bring lots of extra kleenex in your purse and just let it out.